READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
