My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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