My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
