the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
