don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
