Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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