he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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