im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
