Do you still have your period?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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