Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
