i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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