ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
