Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
