Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
