cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize