I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
