He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
