Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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