the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
