He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
