No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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