So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
