seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
