Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You have to summon your inner elephant
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
