if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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