he shaved USA in his pubs
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
