God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
