I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
