Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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