is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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