Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
