Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
