how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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