you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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