eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
