Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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