we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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