I cannot find my penis.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
