someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
