You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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