yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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