After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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