I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
