cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
