If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
