I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
