i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
