You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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