In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
