And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
