i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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