Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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