I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
