I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
