i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
