Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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