maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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