the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
