omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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