I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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