Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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