if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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