You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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