If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
