Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
