worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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