My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize