Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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