you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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