found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
