you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize