nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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