True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
