went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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