Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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