oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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