new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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