What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
