Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
