Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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