So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
