just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize