Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
