I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
