capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
