evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
worst night to have a conscience
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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