his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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