their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
