Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
