last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
