Welp...herpes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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