Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
