you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
