my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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