If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
