Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
