chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
